If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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