$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
