I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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