I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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