His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
