My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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