im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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