i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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