i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
