That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
