Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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