I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
