Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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