I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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