at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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