Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
