My Higher Power is John Stamos
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
