I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
