I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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