I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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