Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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