i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
