Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
should my penis look like a turkey
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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