I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
