They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your cock deserves a montage
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
