I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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