mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
