Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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