you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
