Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
