you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
