i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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