why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
