chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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