If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
