I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
