Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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