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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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