i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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