This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
