THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
