My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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