Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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