I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
