when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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