He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
