Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize