Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize