Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
