Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
