I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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