My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
