just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
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