bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
