I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
