i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
