Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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