I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
