ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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