Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
