i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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